Would you like to know the number one etiquette question people ask me?
It’s: “What to do when no one RSVP’s to their wedding invitations?”
Poor brides, the caterer needs a number of guest and it’s hard to plan a get-together when you don’t know if you need food and supplies for 100 people or two hundred.
As a sign of respect it’s thoughtful to be one of the first to respond when you receive any invitation (within 24-hours).
It let’s couple know that you’re happy you were included, and you didn’t have to “decide” if you wanted to join them. You knew right away that you wouldn’t miss being there for the world!
If you don’t know if you will be able to attend, call when you receive the invitation, share your possible schedule conflict with the couple, and let them know when you’ll be able to let them know for sure if you can attend. In this way you still show respect for their wedding.
If you can’t (or don’t want to) attend, make sure to let the hostess know that you won’t be there (within 24-hours of receiving an invitation.)
As a bride, it’s best not to ask why someone won’t be able to attend your wedding. If they don’t offer a reason, simply tell them they will be missed and you understand.
For those quests who don’t reply within a week of the event, it’s fine for a bride to call and ask if they’ll be able to attend. You never know, the invitation could have got lost in the mail or accidentally overlooked. 
You will never be more timely with your responses after this lol.
The time to start thinking about how you will thank your guests is NOW! Way before the wedding!!! So, think ahead. As you plan your wedding photography, remember to think about the specific pictures you want in your wedding album and to send to family and friend in your “thank you” notes. The Bride and Groom can express their gratitude or convey personal messages in their wedding photography by special arrangement with their photographer.
You can arrange to have this special photo shoot 2 to 3 months before the wedding with their engagement portraits or on the wedding day. You will want a few photos that can tell a story or a series of photos that tell a story. Have your photographer shoot some creative photos for you to include in your “thank you” notes after the wedding. The more creative you are the better, but be sure these photos are a reflection of you as a couple (now a married couple!) Be sure to order an 8 x 10 of your favorite. It’ will make a perfect keepsake to hang in your home. Lets look at a few examples of some fun Thank you cards!
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I have had so many questions lately about booking wedding vendors and the confusion many of the websites suggestions. The bottom line is, you want to book them as soon as possible! Don’t think that every vendor you want will be available on your wedding day! You want to hire the best, but so does every other bride! I am booking weddings for 2013 already….. So the early bird does catch the worm (although I am in NO WAY referring to wedding industry folks as worms lol!!!!)
I went to the a few planning websites to see what timelines they are suggesting to brides. Some of what I found made sense, but certain parts of each “wedding vendor checklist” didn’t seem to match reality. I’ve broken them down their advice by vendor type, and added my two cents as well.
Wedding Planner:
The Knot: 9-11 months
Wedding Wire: 9 months
Brides.com: 11 months
My suggestion: 12+ months
Notes: There is a general rule of thumb that you can follow when booking your wedding vendors, “If it requires a specific person, do it as soon as possible.” Certain wedding vendors provide products (like cake, flowers, and invitations) and can provide those products to multiple couples in a single day. Anything else needs to be secured as quickly as you can, because they are a scarce resource. Wait too long and the one you want will probably be booked. A wedding planner will have the greatest amount of utility to you and can help with the rest of your purchases, so start here. If you’re not sure if you need (or want) a wedding planner or coordinator you may want to schedule a consultation (ours are FREE) and find out more. I highly recommend hiring one — you’ll thank me later.
Wedding Venue (Reception Site):
The Knot: 9-11 months
Wedding Wire: 9 months
Brides.com: 11 months
My suggestion: 12+ months
Notes: ASAP. This is another scarce resource, and some reception venues will book up to two years in advance of a popular date. Contrary to popular belief, simply saying a date is your wedding date does not mean that is your wedding date — unless it doesn’t matter to you where you have your wedding. You do not have a wedding date until you put down a deposit on your ceremony and reception sites. Without a firm wedding date, you can’t hire any of your wedding-related services. Hence, this is the place to start.
Wedding Caterer:
The Knot: 9-11 months
Wedding Wire: 9 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: 9-12 months
Notes: Catering may be included at your reception venue, so you may be able to skip this one, but if it isn’t , you will want to book a cater once you book the venue. Every caterer has a limited number of events they can do on any given date, and booking early ensures that you will be able to choose the one you want. I would also advise you not to wait for a tasting if it’s more than a month into the future — you should be able to get a clear picture of a caterer’s quality and their style of food from their website and reviews. This is another area where a wedding planner can help a lot. They have probably worked with every good caterer in your area and know who is good, who is not, and who will fit your budget.
Wedding Photographer:
The Knot: 6-8 months
Wedding Wire: 6 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: 10-12 months
Notes: NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! I was actually surprised by the “expert” timelines on this one. Six months? Really? Most couples think the photographer is an important part of their wedding, and I can tell you that most of the top-tier wedding photographers are going to be long gone at 6 months to go. In my opinion, you should include the wedding photographer in the group of vendors you hire immediately after setting your wedding date. The top talent will book first, so hiring a wedding photographer close to a year before your wedding is a good idea.
Wedding Disc Jockey:
The Knot: 9-11 months
Wedding Wire: 9 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: 10-12 months
Notes: This was one of the services that the timelines didn’t seem to agree on. The same rule from above applies to your wedding DJ as well — you are hiring a specific person to be your disc jockey and the top talent in your area will be the first to get booked. Waiting too long to book your wedding DJ will leave you with a limited number of available DJs to choose from.
Wedding Videographer:
The Knot: 6-8 months
Wedding Wire: 6 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: It depends.
Notes: If you’re going to hire a wedding videographer (and I SERIOUSLY think a video is a cherished gift years down the road), you need to decide how important the wedding video is to you. If a fabulous, amazing wedding video is a high priority for you, then you need to treat the videographer the same as the photographer and book them as early as possible. If it’s a low priority and you’re just going to hire the cheapest person you can find, it can probably wait until later.
Ceremony Officiant:
The Knot: 9-11 months
Wedding Wire: 6 months
Brides.com: 11 months
My suggestion: 9-12 months
Notes: I personally think that finding the right ceremony officiant is crucial, assuming that your ceremony site doesn’t come with a pastor/priest/rabbi included. A really good officiant can make your ceremony magical and since you’re hiring a specific person, the same rule applies and I recommend booking them early in the process. This is yet another area where a wedding planner (as well as your photographer, videographer, and disc jockey) can really help – we’ve all seen great (and not-so-great) ceremonies and can offer suggestions based on what type of ceremony you want.
Wedding Florist:
The Knot: 6-8 months
Wedding Wire: 6 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: 6-9 months
Notes: Now we’re getting into the wedding vendors who can do multiple weddings in one day. Most florists can handle a few weddings at a time depending on the size, so booking one at a year before your wedding isn’t as crucial. That being said, I think that it also depends on how important the flowers are to you. If you have your heart set on a certain florist or a certain style, then I say pull the trigger and put down a deposit. The really good florists in our area still sell out during the busy season, so you can’t wait too long.
Wedding Cake:
The Knot: 6-8 months
Wedding Wire: 6 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: 6-9 months
Notes: Most wedding cake bakeries can do multiple wedding cakes on any give date, so you’re safe waiting for a little while. I highly recommend visiting multiple cake shops and sampling their cakes. Note that some cakeries may charge for a tasting (that may or may not be applied to booking with them!) Plus, you’ll end up making a better decision if you shop around a little bit. Not everybody has the same palate so multiple tastings are a good idea!
Wedding Invitations:
The Knot: 6-8 months
Wedding Wire: 6 months
Brides.com: 5 months
My suggestion: 6 months
Notes: Since you’re not going to be mailing your invitations a year before your wedding, you don’t need to buy them that early either. However, I do recommend sending “save the date” cards to your guests as soon as you secure your reception site and wedding date. Find a good stationer in your area that carries the styles and brands you like, and use them for both. They will save you time, offer suggestions on confusing wording, send you a proof and take care of errors!
Wedding Transportation:
The Knot: 2-3 months
Wedding Wire: 2 months
Brides.com: 6 months
My suggestion: 5-6 months
Notes: Seriously? TWO months lol? If you are going to hire professional transportation (limos, shuttle buses, whatever), then you need to hire someone good and you need to do it more than 2 months before your wedding. Any wedding planner will tell you that the wedding vendors they have the most trouble with are limo drivers. The good ones will provide you with a clean, great looking ride and get you to the church on time. The bad ones will show up late (or not show up), get lost, and make you late for the wedding you’ve paid so much to plan. My advice is to do this about 6 months before your wedding, and pay a little extra to hire the best company you can find. Ask your wedding planner for advice on who to hire, chances are she’s had a bad experience with more than one of the limo companies in your area.
***Additional note: If you are getting married from late April through the beginning of June, you really need to jump on your limo situation. Most brides don’t think about it, but its prom season — most limo companies will completely sell out on Fridays and Saturdays.
As you can see, the “experts” don’t even agree on the wedding planning timeline. The best advice I can give is: a) hire a wedding planner, b) book your reception site and set your date immediately, c) book anything that requires a specific person as soon as possible, and d) do your homework when you hire your vendors!
One of the most common questions I have received from brides lately is the use of monograms and the etiquette rules of when to use what and when. So let me shed some insight and hope you find it helpful too.
Q: Whose name/initial goes first?
A:Ladies always come first! The woman’s name/initial always comes first on a monogram because the man’s first name/initial should never be separated from his last name/initial.
Q: When can we start using our married monogram?
Simple rules:
Before the wedding ceremony: It’s a big no-no to use your married monogram before you’re actually married. So that means using a monogram with your new last name or intial on save-the-dates, invitations, thank you notes, etc. is taboo. Instead, use a monogram that has just your first initials or first names.
During the wedding ceremony: This is still a gray area for some, but I say if you want to use your married monogram, go for it! The married monogram is a visual symbol of two people joining as one… so I personally feel the wedding ceremony is a perfect time to begin using your new monogram on anything from aisle runners, unity candles, programs, etc.
After the wedding ceremony: Anything goes! Use your married monogram on anything you wish- the reception is a complete green light to display your new married monogram proudly be it on a table runner, menus, the cake, the dance floor, anything your little heart desires!
SO there you have it! The Ps & Qs of monograms!
Time to send out the invitations (and of course the RSVPs). In the past it was in bad taste not to respond to a wedding invitation. Etiquette of the day was to show respect by letting the bride & groom know you were coming & sending a gift or thank you note was part of that. In today’s world that is not the case because it is not commonplace to teach this kind of respect, in fact this is a bone of contention for every couple I know- People just don’t follow the rules anymore! You should remember this when doing your list of invites & think about each person you put on your list.
A few questions & things to think about: They say you can count on “one to two thirds” showing up for your big day. The question is how many will R.S.V.P. for your big day?
The next question: Out of those who R.S.V.P. how many will show up. Your guest list will affect your wedding budget. If you assume that everyone is going to show up & you order up $10,000 worth of food but only half attend, you can’t get a refund. If on the other hand you low-ball the amount of food needed then some of your guests will go hungry. Unfortunately this is not an exact science but you can do some preventive maintenance.
Here are a few ideas that will help you have better focus on who is coming to dinner.
1. Take your guest list & look at who you have invited: Make 3 lists:
a. Who will respond?
b. Who might respond?
c. Who are you inviting out of respect?
2. Deadline for R.S.V.P. cards to come back to you?
3. Look at each list to see who you should follow up by phone or email
4. Look at your deadlines: when is the latest you can let the caterer know about number of guests
5. Put your plan on paper:
a. Date: invites sent by
b. Date: when you would receive the R.S.V.P. cards back
c. Date: when is the last day you can let the caterer know on number of guests.
6. R.S.V.P. “returned by date” should be at least a week or two from the date to let the caterer “know by date”.
7. This should give you time to follow-up with your guests that have not responded. Phone or email will be how you should communicate by. The email you send or phone call you make should be nice but direct & to the point. You can delegate this but make sure who ever you let do this for you is nice & reliable. The question of course is -are you coming to our special event?
8. Now you can call your caterer with a realistic number & stay within your budget. Remember to confirm with your cake company as well (did someone say CAKE?!?!?!)
TIP- Number the back of your RSVP cards and note them on your spreadsheet. When they come back incomplete, and they will, you will know who sent it back and be able to capture the headcount!
